Gracie

My beautiful girl is gone. Those words echo inside my head, inside my heart. They can't have meaning. They can't be true. Every single bone, muscle, everything aches.

 

On my birthday 8.8.2011 (4 years old)

Thursday morning, I woke up like normal. Said goodbye to Sidnei and went to go let Gracie outside to go to the bathroom, eat, play with her, brush her hair before work etc. This is our normal routine every morning. The difference that morning is that when I went inside to get ready, I heard Gracie crying in agony about 10 minutes later. Gracie had found rat poison that had been set out by my mother in law (she found a mouse the night before) and she ate it... I never saw it. It was on the ground on the veranda and I never saw it....It was the most terrifying thing for me. We mixed milk and oil, gave it to gracie and she threw everything up. Thankfully my brother in law was home, lives right up the street, and he rushed us to the vet. The vet was able to give Gracie medicine, she stayed for observation, and survived. I couldnt believe she survived, I thought surely she would die. The next couple of days were spent taking care of her, giving her medicine, trying to coax her to eat, to drink etc. She seemed to be getting better, getting stronger. Fast forward to Monday...I gave her all her medicine in the morning, fed her, etc. I came home for lunch, she met me at the door (i was so happy because she had been laying down and not wanting to get up a lot) and followed me around while I was home. My mother in law told me, she was up and following her around in the afternoon too. However, by the time I got home from work, Gracie was sick. It happened really fast, in less than an hour, she started breathing very labored, and quickly. She was making a noise like she was in pain. We called the vet to  meet us at her clinic. By the time she arrived, Gracie had stopped breathing. She got her breathing again and The vet said her lungs were filled with fluid. She decided to take Gracie to her hospital in the next town over. They made it and tried to do everything they could to save her, but the damage was too much. It was too much for her heart. They said she suffered pulmonary cardiac arrest. She passed away early Tuesday morning. We thought she was going to be okay, but the venom she at was just too strong for her little body. It did too much damage to her organs.

We are so very very heartbroken. I dont even know the right words to say. I just know I miss her so so so much. She has been with me for four years. She has been a constant for four years. She was the beginning of Sidnei and I. She was my constant companion. She was there when Sidnei couldn't be. She was here at the beginning of our journey to Brazil. She was there through all the tears. And now she's not and it's my fault. She was my responsibility. I was supposed to take care of her, keep her safe. I was supposed to know she was so sick. I know there are many people who will feel my pain and many who will not understand it. She was more than my dog. She was part of my family. She was part of my heart.

I don't really know what else to say except that I really hate using the past tense.